Biden Announces Nation’s Vibrators Will Buzz At 2 P.M. Today In Test Of Emergency Stimulation Program

WASHINGTON—Spreading the word ahead of time so that Americans wouldn’t be caught off guard, President Joe Biden announced that all of the nation’s vibrators would buzz at 2 p.m. today in a test of the Emergency Stimulation Program. “This routine test of the ESP will be automatically directed to every consumer vibrator…