What To Know About The United Auto Workers Strike
Thousands of United Auto Workers members have walked off the job since the union initiated its strike on Sept. 15. The Onion tells you everything you need to know about about the UAW strike. Read more…
Generation Derek: Born Between 5:04 And 5:05 P.M. On April 9, 1980, Meet The Generation That’s Just One Guy
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White Women Explain Why They Love Fall
Whether it’s the crisp air, changing leaves, or seasonal beverages, autumn is popular with the Caucasian ladies. The Onion asked white women to explain why they love fall, and this is what they said. Read more…
Björk Sells Music Catalog Rights To Forest Elf In Exchange For Enchanted Crystal Toad
REYKJAVIK, ICELAND—Inking the deal to transfer ownership of her work to the mythical creature, Björk sold her entire music catalog Thursday to a woodland elf in exchange for an enchanted crystal toad. “After careful consideration of whom to entrust with stewardship of my artistic legacy, I decided to go with the brash… Read more…
Standing Ovation For Nazi Veteran Sparks Anger In Canada
Canadian officials are apologizing to Jewish communities after honoring a Ukrainian-Canadian veteran who belonged to a Nazi division in WWII with a standing ovation during Ukrainian president Volodymyr Zelensky’s visit. What do you think? Read more…
Single-serve coffee maker produces exactly the right amount for ⅙ of a person
LONDON, ON ― 22-year-old Dorian Bishop, a fourth-year medical student at Western University, reports that the single-serve coffee maker he recently purchased is falling far short of expectations. “My old coffee maker was best suited to a full pot, about 4 cups, I’d say. I’d make three pots a day and split it with my […]
Every Bribe Bob Menendez Accepted While A U.S. Senator
Sen. Bob Menendez (D-NJ) has pleaded “not guilty” to sweeping federal charges that accuse him of accepting hundreds of thousands of dollars in gifts in exchange for political favors. The Onion examined every bribe the Democratic senator has accepted while in office, and this is what was found. Read more…
Metal Fork Just On Sidewalk
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Triumphant Biden Announces U.S. Has Killed Man Who Kind Of Looks Like Osama Bin Laden
WASHINGTON—Delivering a jubilant address to the American people, a triumphant President Joe Biden announced Wednesday that the United States had killed a man who kind of looked like Osama bin Laden. “I am proud to stand before you and report that the U.S. Special Operations Command has carried out a mission that… Read more…
Hamburger Helper Unveils New Line Of Erotic Casseroles Meant To Be Eaten Off Naked Body
CLEVELAND—Debuting what the company described as a completely-new way to enjoy the brand’s signature boxed dinners, packaged food product mainstay Hamburger Helper unveiled a line of erotic casseroles Thursday that is intended to be eaten off naked bodies. “No date night would be complete without Hamburger Helper’s… Read more…
